What Happens in a Counseling for Men Session

It is not easy for men to enter counseling. We are raised to think that we should be able to solve our own problems or that it is a sign of weakness to ask for help. So how does it work to seek out counseling for something going on in your life that you need help with?

The answer starts with taking the first step: Asking for help, by reaching out to a counselor. Taking action is actually an important step towards healing. If you stay in your head and keep thinking about your problems, you are not getting them resolved. It starts by researching and reaching out to find the right counselor.

Counseling can help you address issues like trust, vulnerability and being authentic. Many men are diverted from what they truly want, or their desires are overridden by their parents. Therapy can help reclaim passion and find your way back to being authentic.

Having a therapeutic relationship gives you a place to find and practice being your authentic self. So, what does that look like in real terms? It can be telling your therapist that you don’t agree with them and risk being disagreeable.  The right therapist will welcome your opinion and praise you for being honest. It is important to express your feelings honestly, appropriately and not feel guilty for being honest. Many men have been raised to be caretakers of other people which leaves them little room to be honest and subvert what they feel.

Another place to explore are relationships with parents. It can be hard to see anything problematic about their childhoods, often reporting that they were cared for and didn’t suffer any abuse. But they can carry a sense of loneliness and social awkwardness that has its roots in their childhoods. As the therapy delves into their stories of growing up, they realize they weren’t taught or shown how to be close to others by one or both parents. Bringing these themes into awarenesses often brings up grief and sadness at what they didn’t get that would have made their lives better.

Therapists help by validating those feelings and creating a safe space for them to be expressed. They might suggest the client write letters to the parents, especially if they are no longer living or letters to parents still alive. They don’t need to be sent to be meaningful. Just having the opportunity to express what they feel, even if it just sharing it with their therapists can be healing.

An important goal for men in counseling is to learn how to be direct and speak up for what they want.  And then listen to their partner and work toward compromise so each person gets at least some of what they want. And for men that struggle with low self-esteem, to come away from their therapy knowing that they matter and what they want matters.

As these topics are addressed it helps them build a greater sense of self so they  speak and act authentically as they walk through the world.

Click here for more on men’s counseling.