We have a need to take literal or mythic journeys, transform ourselves and come back to our day to day lives with new wisdom. And when the topic turned to those who are mavericks in our society and what they can contribute he identified himself as having always been a maverick.

We have just passed the summer equinox and had the longest day of the year. We are enjoying the fullness of summer. What does that mean and what are supposed to do with this season of light? It is a time to connect socially with many family gatherings, weddings and parties scheduled during the warmer weather. For those that suffer from SAD, seasonal affective disorder, it is a relief to bask in the sun’s warm glow.

I suggest you watch the Ted Talk on You Tube featuring Warren Farrell. It is titled: The Boy Crisis: A Sobering Look at the State of our Boys. In the talk he addresses what he calls the boy crisis in our country. Farrell exposes the causes for the high levels of violence, suicide and lack of purpose experienced by boys in our culture.

One of the greatest challenges for men is to learn how to stop approaching every conversation with their wife, or partner as an opportunity to solve their problem.

“The Work” was filmed at Folsom Prison in California. It paints a stark picture of the inmates and the invited outside participants during a four-day group therapy process.

The film is gritty, real and puts the viewer face to face with level four offenders who are open about the crimes they committed to get themselves there. One inmate tells of “almost sawing a man in half” with a knife.

Men have been trained since childhood to not cry or show emotions. It is part of our toxic masculine culture that tells boys and men to “be a man.” When they are young boys cry when upset, scared, lost, etc. They then get the message that that is not OK, even from their family. Fathers who were themselves trained out of their feelings also join in telling their sons to, “suck it up!”

We men are not raised to pay attention to our relationships. This may be slowly changing but in general boys are raised to be achievers and are in training to be bread winners.

Men are raised to be self-sufficient and always reply with “fine” when asked how they are feeling. They will not risk being seen as weak or needy by asking for help. This behavior is enshrined in the old joke about men never stopping and asking for directions when the family gets lost on their outing.

In some way, Men carry shame simply for being male. Images abound for men to make them feel inadequate: Examples are everywhere for men to compare themselves to guys with ripped bodies, driving expensive cars and if they ever come home it is to big houses and loving wives and well-mannered kids. These men are always successful, happy and strong.

   Here are six tips on How to Be a Man that I think will be helpful in how to think about your masculinity.

At some point in the therapy process clients will ask me,” what is psychotherapy and how does it work?”They have been coming faithfully and are delving into the issues they want to address: grief, loss, marital issues, etc. They want to see the bigger picture.